Friday, August 31, 2012

WITH MALICE TOWARDS ALL; WITH CHARITY TO NONE:  The question was posted on Reddit, and blogger Geoff Micks handicaps the entire field: In a mass knife fight to the death between every American President, who would win and why?

LBJ's chances, of course, depend on whether he was wearing his custom Haggar slacks.

29 comments:

  1. Maret5:02 PM

    The link to Geoff Micks piece is broken. 

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  2. Joseph Finn5:04 PM

    Intitial thought before reading it, I'm going with Andrew Jackson.  How many assassins have you fought off, President Blaine?  Second answer, Abraham Lincoln in a pit with a broadsword.

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  3. bill.5:04 PM

    Zachary Taylor. Long and successful military career. Probably saw more combat than any other president.

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  4. Joseph Finn5:07 PM

    Blaine?  What the hell?  I meant Cleveland.

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  5. Adlai5:10 PM

    Historians have been discussing this question here: http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2012/08/knife-fight-2
    Lots of Nixon and LBJ wagers there.

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  6. TR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.

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  7. TR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.

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  8. TR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.

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  9. TR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.

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  10. TR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.

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  11. Rules for the hypo specify "<span>Each president has been given one standard-issue </span>Gerber LHR Combat Knife <span>, the knife </span>presented to each graduate of the United States Army Special Forces Qualification Course<span>. Assume the presidents have no training outside any combat experiences they may have had in their own lives," and FDR gets a motorized wheelchair.</span>

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  12. TR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.

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  13. bill.5:26 PM

    Very little actual experience and his exploits are mostly overblown

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  14. Jordan5:30 PM

    He's the only option, right?  I could recheck my Edmund Morris, but I don't see it coming out any other way.  I mean look at the Rough Riders!  My only worry would be that he'd call the other Presidents pussies for using knives and go at them barehanded.

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  15. Maret5:51 PM

    I'm going with LBJ -- to quote Micks' handicapping: "a giant of a man, a Texan, and more than a bit of an asshole. He would be a force to be reckoned with, absolutely." He gets him to the top 10 but I say he would go all the way.<span><span> </span></span>

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  16. MidwestAndrew6:00 PM

    Even if he did, Jordan, he'd get over any wounds with the power of his bluster.

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  17. The Pathetic Earthling6:09 PM

    It's a knife fight.  Everyone is going to get cut and badly.  The role to surviving is not dying of blood loss.  And to that end, I'm going with sheer volume - Wm Howard Taft.

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  18. Craig8:09 PM

    Zachary Taylor. Old Rough & Ready. 40 years in the military. Saw plenty of battle (he had to get his hands bloody in there somewhere).

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  19. Jim Bell8:21 PM

    Lincoln.  Does he get credit for the vampire hunting?

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  20. Joseph Finn8:40 PM

    I can't think of any other President who had a duel involving a sword.

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  21. Matt (iPad)9:50 PM

    What about Nine Roosevelts Against the Impossible? http://www.bullypulpitgames.com/fairplay/2010/04/01/nine-roosevelts-against-the-impossible/

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  22. Joseph Finn9:55 PM

    Still, experience.

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  23. TR, LBJ and Zachary Taylor to medal.

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  24. Blatant size-ism re: Madison. Who's to say he wouldn't cut everybody's Achilles tendons and then go for the kill while they're all writhing on the ground?

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  25. Not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.

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  26. isaac_spaceman4:16 PM

    Though Blaine never rose to President, his house in DC is dear to my heart.

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  27. Emily9:08 PM

    It's probably what Booker T would do if he had opposable thumbs.

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  28. Nigel from Cameronn4:02 PM

    At least for the more or less modern-era Presidents (because I think the Founding Father types dominate this tourney), give me LBJ, 43, and Ronald Reagan. Clinton seems soft.  Obama seems majorly meek.

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