Monday, September 5, 2011

THE PARTIES ARE ADVISED TO CHILL:  A Rolling Stone readers poll yields a "worst songs of the 1990s" slideshow.  I'm going to argue that three of the songs listed aren't bad at all -- "MMMBop," "Tubthumping," and "Ice Ice Baby," though ubiquity worked against each. As annoying as the Vanilla Ice phenomenon became (and with all the attendant issues regarding Caucasians in hip hop), one has to concede (doesn't one?) that the song works on its own merits.

Worse songs of the 1990s not on the list: Limp Bizkit, "Nookie"; Next, "Too Close"; Warrant, "Cherry Pie"; and Adams/Stewart/Sting, "All For Love."

41 comments:

  1. Adlai5:30 PM

    Bowie's merits, not its own.

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  2. Well, yes, but every song's based on something else, isn't it?

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  3. 1.  Let's be honest--pretty much everything Limp Bizkit recorded during the 90s belongs on that list. 
    2.  I actually kind of like "What's Up?"  Yes, it's overly sincere, but that can be said of a lot of stuff in the 90s.
    3.  That Kozinski opinion is one of my favorites.

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  4. Meghan6:01 PM

    I stand proudly firm and unapologetic in my love for both "Tubthumping" and "MmmBop." "Macarena" is the worst song of the 90s and pretty much any decade.

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  5. isaac_spaceman6:03 PM

    Billy Ray Cyrus, man, I hated that guy.  I wanted to know how somebody could think that Cyrus played the same genre of music as Hank Williams and Johnny Cash.  He didn't, of course, but that was the point.  I thought Billy Ray Cyrus, and his awful song, and his awful ass-shaking dance, and his awful Ovation guitar, and his awful mullet were just about the worst thing that could have happened.  I remember seeing some news story about the Achy Breaky phenomenon, with shots of women clad head-to-toe in denim, and thinking, how on earth is this possible?  How could millions upon millions of people possibly hear that sound and look at that guy and think, "I'm getting on board"?  I'm pretty sure I advocated stripping people who paid money for a Billy Ray Cyrus-related item of the right to vote. 

    And then Four Non-Blondes, I mean, fuck.  Even thinking of them now makes me mad.  That name is so stupid.  The whole packaging of the carefully frayed jeans and immaculately torn leather and obsessively sculpted casually teased hair was irritating.  The whole contrived iconoclast image, when the sounds that came out were so utterly banal, so completely focus-grouped and target demoed.  That band was never anything more than a badly-told lie.  If you bought a Four Non-Blondes album I would, even to this day, like to punch you right in the mouth for abetting a crime against music. 

    The list itself isn't that great.  "I'm Too Sexy" was about right for what it was, and "Barbie Girl" may be a terrible song if you take it at face value, but you're not supposed to take it at face value.  "MMMbop" is a pretty good pop song, not my cup of tea, but well done nonetheless.  Where's Ace of Base?  "The Sign" and "All That She Wants" are awful.  Spice Girls were just awful, except people have fond memories of the surrounding silliness, so they don't make the list.  Does anybody remember Silverchair's "Tomorrow"?  Have you ever read the lyrics to that song?  Awful. 

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  6. FWIW, Vulture's "Nostalgia Check" looked at the big Ace of Base album with surprising positivity.  (The same series also awesomely featured Sarah Bunting looking back at "Dawson's Creek.")

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  7. Meghan6:19 PM

    Yeah, I still like "The Sign." Otherwise agree.

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  8. slowlylu6:22 PM

    Yes I remember Silverchair if only because they're worshipped here in Australia. The lyrics of Tomorrow are awful because they were written by 13 year old boys. When bad lyrics are written by adults I think we need to be concerned.

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  9. Meghan, I've got your back on this.  Those are two songs I'll gladly listen to any time they come on.  

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  10. GoldnI10:14 PM

    Sigh.  I was totally going to marry Taylor Hanson.

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  11. JosephFinn11:46 PM

    Also, Limp Biscuit was a sympton of the awful era of the 90s when it came to intentional mispellings in band names.  See, also, Lincoln Park.

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  12. Anonymous12:18 AM

    one has to concede (doesn't one?) that the song works on its own merits.

    Does one?  Without the questionable novelty of the deeply white Van Winkle appropriating most of the hallmarks of rap, is there anything left to the song?

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  13. isaac_spaceman12:22 AM

    This reads like Phil Throckmorton to me.

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  14. J. Bowman8:32 AM

    There is the (IMO, substantiable) claim that he is killing your brain, like a poisonous mushroom.

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  15. Check out the hook while the DJ revolves it.

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  16. I'll agree that Tubthumping and Mmmbop aren't bad.  I would confess I don't have a problem with the four non-blondes song.

    Missing from the list:  Paula Cole's "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone."  Yecch.

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  17. P.S. Put me in the anti-ice-ice-baby camp.  The only good thing about the song is the part lifted from the earlier song.  When I hear it, all I can think is, "I wish I was listening to Under Pressure."

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  18. P.P.S.  I think it is a bit harsh to put the Barbie song at #1.  I mean, it was going for novelty.  It's like saying The Witch Doctor Song (Oo Ee Oo Ah Ah . . . ) was the worst song of the fifties.

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  19. I don't see how Achy Breaky Heart does not end up at the top of that list. 

    In related news, I am now highly annoyed to have Achy Breaky Heart running through my head.  I shall now proceed to fill my ears with good music, in the (likely futile) hope of remedying my current Achy-Breaky-Heart problem.  Dammit.

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  20. Adam C.11:22 AM

    If there's an intrepid searchmaster out there with some time on her/his hands, please please please locate the video of Vanilla Ice explaining the difference between Under Pressure and Ice Ice Baby.  Words alone cannot do it justice, but unfortunately the clip (either MTV, or VH1 Behind the Music?) appears not to be available anywhere online, based on my slapdash googling.

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  21. I am familiar with the clip and was similarly trying to find it this morning.  

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  22. Jim Bell11:37 AM

    I like all three of those songs Adam mentioned.  One of them very much.  the shame.

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  23. Duvall11:59 AM

    It really should be a two-song competition between "Achy Breaky Heart" and "Nookie."  I guess we'll know the worse offender when Fred Durst's daughter releases her first album.

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  24. I wish there were more support out there for panning "Too Close," a numbingly boring song which is unabashedly about what to do on the dance floor when you can't control an erection.

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  25. Duvall12:58 PM

    It's just too boring to inspire outrage.  It's hard to get worked up over a song that musically indistinguishable from elevator music.

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  26. Benner1:01 PM

    Sheryl Crow is pretty bad.  "All I wanna do," is just terribly written even worse as performed.  We get a verse that purports to establish Sheryl as a tough country mama, and then we get the chorus and it's just sweet, sweet love.  (Her cover of "Sweet Child of Mine" does not technically make "All I Wanna Do" a worse song, but it does reveal that Crow just has no taste and that she, not any producer, is to blame.)

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  27. Benner1:02 PM

    The great Chet Atkins:  "The music has gotten pretty bad, I think. It's all that damn line dancing."<sup></sup><span></span>

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  28. Chuck1:09 PM

    I actually felt pity while watching that, which surprised me.

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  29. Adam C.1:13 PM

    Awesome - thanks, Jenn C!

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  30. I'd say most/all of those songs are made much worse by their constant presence.  There are probably quite a few which are terrible, but weren't played endlessly.

    Of the "worst not on the list", only the Warrant song immediately jumped into my head, and thanks for that.

    Also sucky:  the large amount of pop-up ads accrued by clicking through the RS list.

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  31. Marsha4:03 PM

    Yeah, I'm with you on this one too. Well, maybe not love, but both are fun and insanely catchy, and I don't find them grating like I do the others on this list.

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  32. Becca5:09 PM

    If you're looking for a good song to get the crowd singing along during karaoke, I'm thinking MmmBop would be a solid choice.

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  33. Becca5:14 PM

    I've always kinda thought Sheryl Crow is a TERRIBLE singer, but I can never really get anyone to agree with me. I suspect that she's a solid musician, which makes people want to work with her, but man, that thin, reedy voice that has no support. It bugs. As someone who has a not-so-secret desire to be a working singer, IT BUGS.

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  34. Philomena5:19 PM

    And the awful but unflagging determination to mate hip-hop and grunge.

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  35. ooops that's me on the wife's laptop

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  36. Benner6:51 PM

    I agree with you.  "If it makes you happy" -- sounds like a dying bird letting out a final squawk. 

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  37. isaac_spaceman8:05 PM

    Yeah, that one is about two full steps out of her range.  In a different style, that can be a good thing, but there, yuck. 

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  38. Nancy9:49 PM

    I agree!! I detest her voice. I call emperor's new clothes on that one.

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  39. KCosmo12:51 AM

    I heart Mmmbop to this day.  It has always been my favorite song to run to.  Which may say something about my running speed, but still.

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