A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

AND HAPPY BRYCEGIVING: Washington D.C. is going to set some kind of local record (at least modern local record; don't know how big the crowds were for the Senators) for number of people to see a baseball game today, for what Dan Steinberg is calling Strasmas. That's shorthand for the major-league birth of the Baby Baseball Jesus, Stephen Strasburg, who throws so hard that his pitches are measured in mach, and who, while still wearing diapers, once struck out Wade Boggs while throwing beach balls from second base. We haven't seen as anticipated a debut as this since Sidd Finch.

Since there probably will be some people at Nationals Park (named for famed temperance advocate Carrie Nationals, much revered in the District) who have never seen a baseball game, here are some etiquette tips from experienced fans around the league (with video):

• Mets fans advise that if a player tosses a souvenir ball to a child in the stands, you should lean over and steal it from him and then pretend that you thought maybe he meant to throw it to the 40-year-old hedge fund trader instead of the 10-year-old kid.
• Phillies fans remind you to check for promotions, like, for example, Alcoholic Toddler Happy Hour.
• Safety-minded St. Louis Cardinals fans caution that if your small child is hit in the chest by a rocket off the bat of the strongest player in baseball, DO NOT EVER HANG UP YOUR PHONE.

(All via Deadspin, I suppose I should mention.)