Friday, January 12, 2007

REX REGNANT SED NON PRAESTAT:1 By collating and analyzing a series of incontrovertible truths, some of which were revealed to me mysteriously at the tail end of the BCS Championship (Non-Idaho Division) Game, I have determined which of the remaining eight NFL teams will win the Superbowl. Let's do this Shrutestyle:
  • Fact: The University of Florida Gators are the reigning NCAA men's basketball champions.
  • Fact: The University of Florida Gators are the reigning NCAA men's football champions.
  • Fact: A University of Florida Gator was the point guard, sometimes known as the "quarterback," of the reigning NBA champion Miami Heat.
  • Fact: A University of Florida Gator was the shortstop, sometimes known as the "quarterback of the defense,"2 of the reigning MLB champion St. Louis Cardinals.
  • Fact: A University of Florida Gator is the reigning champion of Dancing with the Stars.
  • Fact: Alcorn State, Boston College, Tennessee, Michigan, North Carolina State, Purdue, and San Jose State have failed to win all of the NCAA football, NCAA men's basketball, and Dancing with the Stars titles that they have sought in the last year.
  • Fact: The name Rex means "king."
  • Fact: A king's principal job is to reign.
  • Fact: The quarterback for the Chicago Bears is named Rex.3 Believe me when I tell you: He is a University of Florida Gator.
Eerie. I know.

1I am illiterate in Latin, so I may have misconjucated "praesto."
2Unverified.
3His name is also "Grossman," which roughly translates as "big man." Accuracy: unverified.

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