Wednesday, March 15, 2006

THE BALL IS TIPPED: For the fourth straight year (dating back to 2003), we are proud to present to the blogosphere Charlie Glassenberg's patented Mascot Matcher System Guide to the NCAA Tournament. As we have stated in the past, it's not about the point guards, the coaches or the RPI: it's all about the dudes in the costumes on the sidelines.

First off: you still have time to join our NCAA Challenge group: ALOTT5MA.

Charlie's complete guide to Thursday/Friday action follows:

Atlanta:

Duke Blue Devils vs. Southern Jaguars: These spotted cats will be singing the blues all the way to hell! Duke

GW Colonials vs. NC Wilmington Seahawks: In a burst of musket fire, these birds will go down in a flurry of feathers. GW

Syracuse Orange vs. Texas A&M Aggies: The hardy farmhands will peel the fruit and eat it. Texas A&M

LSU Tigers vs. Iona Gaels: Forget Guinness, there is no better way to mark St. Paddy’s Day than to be devoured alive by a cat. LSU.

West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Southern Illinois Salukis: An inbred man of the hills can surely beat an, um, whatever it is. West Virginia

Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Northwestern State Demons: Never bet against the forces of darkness. Northwestern State.

California Golden Bears vs. NC State Wolfpack: Wasn’t the Golden Bear the mascot of cereal? The wolves will hound this teddy to his grave! NC State.

Texas Longhorns vs. Penn Quakers: Consensus has been achieved at this meeting: you will be gored to death by steers. Texas

Oakland

Memphis Tigers vs. Oral Roberts Golden Eagles: Sorry, but these birds have been called home by their Maker. Memphis

Arkansas Razorbacks vs. Bucknell Bison: The great bison ruled the plains, now it will rule the Bay Area over these hogs. Bucknell

Pittsburgh Panthers vs. Kent State Golden Flashes: Too bad those golden flashes aren’t as accurately aimed as the fire from a National Guardsman’s rifle. Pittsburgh

Kansas Jayhawks vs. Bradley Braves: A brave what, a brave loser? A brave piece of carrion for the raptors from the plains? Kansas

Indiana Hoosiers vs. San Diego State Aztecs: The Aztecs will tear out their hearts and offer it to their god. Montezuma’s Revenge, indeed. San Diego State

Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. Xavier Musketeers: Oh shoot, this little pooch keeps biting my leg. Oh wait, he bit it off. Now I can’t play basketball. Gonzaga

Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Alabama Crimson Tide: Isn’t crimson tide the stuff that made them ban clamming in New England last year? This March, the bivalves get even. Marquette

UCLA Bruins vs. Belmont Bruins: Who wins? Da bears! UCLA

Washington DC

UConn Huskies vs. Albany Great Danes: This game will quickly go to the dogs, as the hounds of those who dishonor The Prophet fall to the feisty fidos of the frozen north. UConn

Kentucky Wildcats vs. UAB Blazers: My professor in college drove a Blazer. It had body rust. Wildcats

Washington Huskies vs. Utah St. Aggies: The canines will dig their teeth into the sod kickers. Washington

Illinois Fighting Illini vs. Air Force Falcons: The junior bird men (as Tom Lehrer would say) will be soaring off to see the Great Spirit. Illinois

Michigan State Spartans vs. George Mason Patriots: Free men of courage will always triumph over oiled Greeks from the Peloponnesus! George Mason

North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Murray State Racers: The Racers will be slowed down a bit in something sticky. North Carolina

Wichita State Shockers vs. Seton Hall Pirates: Arrgh, shiver me timbers, I’ve been electrocuted. Time to keel haul meself. Arrgh! Wichita State

Tennessee Volunteers vs. Winthrop Eagles: These feathered friends will be volunteering to set up chairs for the next round. Tennessee

Minneapolis

Villanova Wildcats vs. Monmouth Hawks: We all know who loses when birds face cats. Villanova

Arizona Wildcats vs. Wisconsin Badgers: These badgers will come out of their burrows and chase these felines straight back to the land of the cactus. Wisconsin

Nevada Wolfpack vs. Montana Grizzlies: The mighty ursine hunter can surely fight off some wild dogs. Montana

Boston College Eagles vs. Pacific Tigers: Tiger, tiger, burning bright, the eagle will gnaw on you tonight! Boston College

Oklahoma Sooners vs. Wisconsin Milwaukee Panthers: These black cats will turn the future of the Sooners as dark as night. Wisconsin Milwaukee

Florida Gators vs. South Alabama Jaguars: I always favor our native reptiles over some darn cat. Florida

Georgetown Hoyas vs. Northern Iowa Panthers: What is it with all of the cats in this tournament? Will these ones lose? Ho-ya! Georgetown

Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Davidson Wildcats: Enough with the cats. Is this the NCAA Division I or a bunch of lonely old ladies? Buckeyes

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