Wednesday, February 8, 2006

KLUM, BRIDE OF SEAL, DAUGHTER OF COUNT VON COUNT: So while the rest of the world was watching the Grammy Awards (an arcane contest governed by the rules of a craft, an art, an industry and a world I do not understand) the Throckmorton Estate's monitors were tuned by dint of habit to Wednesday's inevitable Project Runway (an arcane contest governed by the rules of a craft, an art, an industry and a world I do not understand). No one here (we even asked the cats) can support the result, which I'll try not to spoil while spinning the following snark.

First, suppose I made someone a jumpsuit that could only ever have been worn by any actual female on the planet under three circumstances, to wit: (1) if said female was an uncredited extra on the original Battlestar Galactica tv series, fawning over Dirk Benedict as he smarmed off on another mission; (2) if said female was an uncredited extra in the nigh-30-year-old Buck Rogers tv series, fawning over Gil Gerrard as he fought to free himself from the lustful clutches of Draconian Princess Ardala (Pamela Hensley); or, (3) if said female was creating really shifty low-budget "fan-fiction" home movies based one Star Trek franchise or another and/or attending a "Con".

Just suppose that's what I did. And suppose it was falling apart on the runway. I should be kicked of the show, right?

Second, alternatively, suppose I took a scruffy but effiminate model and made them over in a kind of Duran Duran-goes-to-the-Grammies pantsuit. Should I be kicked off the show for not using buttons? Or for having some puckered seams? When the jumpsuit was falling apart?? And I'm the likeable one???

Yeah. We're mad. While that big recording industry thing is probably taking precedence tonight for most of the ALOTT5MA faithful, the comments are open for your further recriminations.

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