Friday, August 26, 2005

A PUBLIC SERVICE FROM THE ALOTT5MA DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC HEALTH AND EXOTIC MORTALITY: I don't mean to be the fun police here, but I think suspending the batboy for the milk stunt was the right thing to do for his own good, and I would also fine Brad Penny a few grand for encouraging the kid to do something dangerous. A stomach treated to uncommon crapulence may explode, causing certain death. The typical benchmark used to measure where something crosses over from epic munchies to gastric russian roulette is four quarts -- the same amount that Penny dared the batboy to ingest.

Then why can Kobayashi, a tiny Japanese man, ingest massive quantities of processed beef? Because, believe it or not, he is an elite athlete. Like all elite athletes, he trains hard. You wouldn't run a marathon after never jogging more than a couple of miles, so don't try to drink a gallon of milk in one sitting.

Incidentally, my principal qualification for head of this ALOTT5MA department is that I own a custom-made shirt with "EBOLA" written on it.

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