A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

AND HER MUSIC KINDA SUCKS, TO BOOT: Memo to the various entertainment magazines--I do not need to know anything more about the following things:

• The state of Jessica Simpson's marriage.
• How "hot" Jessica Simpson looks in bikini or other scanty clothing.
• Whether Jessica Simpson is sleeping with Johnny Knoxville. (In fact, anyone sleeping with Mr. Knoxville has entirely too high an "ew!" factor to warrant any publicity.)
• Jessica Simpson's intellect.
• Whether or not Jessica Simpson is pregnant.
• The possibility that Jessica Simpson may have had plastic surgery.
• Jessica Simpson's rather creepy relationship with her father.
• Jessica Simpson's sister, Ashlee.
• The size of Jessica Simpson's breasts, particularly when referred to by her father.
• Jessica Simpson's "personal style," including, but not limited to, her makeup line.

Seriously, would anyone, other than some very devoted readers of FHM, really notice and/or care if Ms. Simpson simply disappeared from the face of the earth tomorrow? Needless to say, I won't be seeing The Dukes of Hazard tomorrow.