Lousiana-Lafayette v. N.C. State: The Cajuns are Ragin', but they'll roux the day they faced this pack of wolves. The Pack smells dinner, and they'll stuff guard Antoine Landry inside of guard Brad Boyd inside of forward Antonie Hamilton for a tasty first-round turducken. (Roast at 250 degrees for 18 hours for best results.)
Western Michigan Broncos v. Vanderbilt Commodores: The Commodores might think this game will be easy like Sunday morning, but it isn't being played during the night shift, and the Commodores will be once, twice, three times an upset as their three-point shooting turns into a brick house. Nothing will bring them up when they're down, and the Broncos will sail on to the second round by a margin wider than the gap between Nicole Ritchie's fame and her accomplishments in life.
Pacific v. Providence: Anyone else remember that challenge in the first Amazing Race when they had to walk the gauntlet of tigers that had been trained by monks? Thankfully for the Friars, these Tigers are equally pacific, so God yeve yow right good lyf, Providence.
Richmond Spiders v. Wisconsin Badgers: Wilbur and Templeton aren't here to protect the spiders this time, and the badgers will pester and annoy their way to a first-round win.
Central Florida v. Pittsburgh: Which knight's fate will the Golden Knights follow: Galahad's? Lancelot's? Bob's? (He did win yesterday.) No, unfortunately, it's ER's Lucy Knight, as the panthers will cause gaping, inoperable wounds, leaving the knights bleeding to death in an empty room, and there's no way for Carter to save them now.
And a DIII prediction: Ephraim's cows will fall to the smallpox blanket once more in Salem tonight. GO JEFFS!