MCNOWN NO LONGER PERSON, PLACE OR THING: San Francisco 49er quarterback Cade McNown, 26, was released from the team today, possibly signalling the end of his brief, forgettable NFL career.
After bursting through as a rookie with the Bears in 1999 (don't worry, non-sports fans, this is headed somewhere), McNown's career took a downhill turn in Chicago in 2000, separating his shoulder against the hard Veterans Stadium turf in a game I attended, and downright plummetted with his trade to Miami the following season. Indeed, he has not thrown a pass in the NFL in the past two years.
What happened to his career? Justice happened.
Y'see, McNown committed a cardinal sin in The Book Of Guys: he stole another man's girlfriend. Not just any other man, but Cleveland starting QB (and fellow 1999 first-rounder) Tim Couch. And not just any girlfriend, but 1999 Playmate of the Year Heather Kozar.
How did he do it? Couch introduced Kozar to McNown, who then started calling her constantly, sending Kozar flowers, and, the ultimate wooing technique (take notes, guys), sent her his new Porsche to enjoy. With that move, McNown completed the interception, and Kozar was his. For a few months, anyway.
McNown's other transgressions have included stealing one of Hef's girlfriends too, getting him banned from The Mansion, and illegally using handicapped parking placards and spaces while at UCLA, despite never, of course, being handicapped.
So McNown goes home alone, while Tim Couch is set to earn $6.2 million this season as the presumptive starting QB for the Cleveland Browns. Heh.
No comments:
Post a Comment