Thursday, January 16, 2003

"YO, WHEN I TURN MY HEAD, I DON'T SEE NOTHING": Welcome to Eagles Court, to my knowledge America's only hall of justice operating in the bowels of a major sporting facility. Here's my favorite from last week's docket:
Then there was Thomas Coll, 19, of Havertown, who tried to reenter the stadium after being thrown out for not having a ticket. He pleaded "stupidity" to the charge of defiant trespass.

"Is that aggravated stupidity, or simple stupidity?" [Judge Seamus] McCaffery shot back.

"Whatever the lesser charge is," said Coll, who told McCaffery that he is a criminal-justice major at Widener University with "a minor in dumbass."

McCaffery grinned and found Coll not guilty.

"Are you Judge Seamus?" Coll then asked.

When McCaffery nodded, Coll exclaimed: "Awesome!"

For aggravated stupidity, the hornbooks will forever cite the case of Daniel Flagg, who decided to wander onto the Eagles' bench during Saturday's game, in his Donovan McNabb replica jersey, and thought he could just spark up a conversation with . . . Donovan McNabb, who, one would presume, is the only person on the Eagles' bench who's supposed to be wearing the #5 jersey...

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