Monday, October 20, 2014

THAT KIND OF LUXE JUST AIN'T FOR THEM:  At least two San Francisco radio stations have said they won't be playing Lorde's "Royals" until the conclusion of the World Series.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

IT IMPROVES ANYTHING:  After being reminded of the Greatest Movie Twist of Our Time, it's time to ask how TV shows can be improved with the addition of one simple thing:  SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • Two and A Half Men--It's widely reported that the final season of the show will revolve around Alan and Walden attempting to adopt a child.  Well, turns out it's not a child.  It's a SECRET DWARF HOOKER (who looks oddly like Charlie Sheen).
  • Two Broke Girls--It's revealed that Han is actually a SECRET DWARF HOOKER.  He murders all the other characters.  The show ends.
  • Bad Judge--It turns out the child who Bad Judge has taken under her wing? Actually a SECRET DWARF HOOKER!  (Also applicable to About A Boy SECRET DWARF HOOKER.)
  • The Mysteries of Laura--Her hell raising kids?  Not actually kids, but SECRET DWARF HOOKERS!
  • Reign--Who needs Hunky Nostradamus when you've got SECRET DWARF HOOKER posing as one of the Ladies In Waiting?
  • Once Upon A Time--He's not Grumpy.  He's SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • The Blacklist--Red takes on his most fearsome enemy.  SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • NCIS: Secret Dwarf Hooker--Self Explanatory.
  • Nashville--An adorable moppet tries to seize the throne of Nashville from Rayna and Juliette while holding a deadly secret.  You guessed it--SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • American Horror Story: Secret Dwarf Hooker--Let's not give Ryan Murphy any ideas, OK?
ALOTT5MA FRIDAY GRAMMAR RODEO SUNDAY SPECIAL:  While historically I've ceded NYTBR criticism to others, today's Paperback Row presents a special case.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Thursday, October 16, 2014

SAVING YOU A FEW BUCKS: Did you want to know what the ludicrous supernatural/romantic twist is in the new Nicholas Sparks movie out tomorrow?  The Dissolve has you covered, and while it's no "Secret Ghost Mom," it's still pretty schmaltzy.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

SLOW, BUT SURE, PROGRESS TOWARD EGOT:  Your 2015 Oscar host?  Mr. Neil Patrick Harris.  He's got a shot to be at EG-T next year, if Hedwig wins the musical show album category at the Grammys.

ETA:  Harris announces the news via video.
THE FUNK OF 40,000 YEARS: With an estimated $140M that won't be spent on exotic animal maintenance, Michael Jackson tops this year's Forbes list of the best-earning dead celebrities, ahead of his one-time father-in-law Elvis Presley, Charles Schulz, one-time BFF Elizabeth Taylor, and Bob Marley.
THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE:  Preferred "Bang Bang"--Jessie/Ariana/Nicki, or Marshall/Ted/Barney?
ONLY IF THERE'S AN ARMISTICE IN THE CUPCAKE WARS:  Lego is exploring some kind of master builder reality tv competition show.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

IS FRED ARMISEN FREE?  The November 1 SNL will be hosted by Chris Rock, musical guest Prince.  It's Rock's second time back since his cast stint, and he'll be the third returning cast member to host this season. (Among my wish list: Robert Downey Jr, who hasn't hosted since 1996; the junior Senator from Minnesota; and a Poehler/Fey/Dratch/Rudolph reunion week.)

As for Prince, it's his third time. In 1981, he performed "Party Up" (and cursed: "Fightin' war is such a fuckin' bore" at 1:10); in 2006, "Fury" and "Beautiful, Loved and Blessed," both from 3121.
NOT SO FANTASTIC:  Apparently at least partially due to the ongoing cold war between Marvel/Disney and Fox over the divided film rights for the X-Men and the Fantastic Four, Marvel is bringing to a close the adventures of Reed Richards and family, at least in comic book form.  The two prior FF movies were admittedly a mess (with the exception of Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis), but the upcoming reboot has promise (Josh Trank's Chronicle was a very interesting and different take on the superhero thing) and for years, the Four were the leaders of the Marvel Universe.
"AT THE COUNT OF 3," HE SAYS, "I HOPE I CAN DISAPPEAR":  Current results from your Rock Hall voting, while not producing any OMG Of Course universally-agreed-upon inductees, still show some patterns:
Yes, You Must Induct
Lou Reed (35/43 votes)
N.W.A. (33)

Significant Support
Nine Inch Nails (28)
Green Day (25)
The Smiths (25)
Stevie Ray Vaughan (24)

They've Got Their Adherents
Joan Jett & the Blackhearts (18)
Kraftwerk (17)
And the Also Receiving Consideration crew: Chic (5), Sting (4), The Spinners (2), Paul Butterfield Blues Band (2), The Marvelettes (1), War (1), Bill Withers (1).

I'm pretty sure that everyone in those top two groups eventually gets in, except for The Smiths, insofar as this is an America-based institution and they've never even had a top-50 album here and commercial impact has to matter some. (In general, of course, the Hall has big problem in not finding a way to recognize influential-but-not-commercial acts of the post-Founding era.)

I will try to work up a Keltner or two in the coming weeks, especially since I'm a little surprised that Nine Inch Nails didn't place a little higher. Intuitively, their (well, his) case is really strong to me; I'd like to see if it holds up under analysis.

Monday, October 13, 2014

FOR A DOLLAR?  I'd say this new Burger King ad ripping off Billy Eichner's shtick gets 0.9 Coultons on the Yeah, That's Totally A Ripoff scale.
IT'S EITHER THAT OR WE TALK ABOUT THE GENOCIDES IN WHICH WE ARE COMPLICIT:  It's Columbus Day: tell us about something you've discovered recently, even if someone else actually found it first.

[I've finally started watching Gilmore Girls with Lucy.  Fun stuff.  Yes, that's right: I've never seen it before.]
BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!  Boom Clap or Boom Boom Clap (Boom De Clap De Clap)?  (Disqualified:  Boom Boom Pow and Bang! Pow! Boom!)